


Selfish

by aspiringauthorintraining



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2020-12-22 16:04:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21079547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspiringauthorintraining/pseuds/aspiringauthorintraining
Summary: She could only stare at him from across the room, with an unconscious frown.“You’re my best friend, (Y/N).”The words rang repeatedly in her head. A constant reminder. Of her unrequited love. That he would never think of her as more.Yes, that was all she was to him. That was all she could ever be to him. She would forever be cursed to watch him from far away, blissfully unaware of the pain he had caused her.So, she disappeared.





	1. Chapter 1

She could only stare at him from across the room, with an unconscious frown.

“You’re my _best friend,_ (Y/N).” 

The words rang repeatedly in her head. A constant reminder. Of her unrequited love. That he would never think of her as more.

Yes, that was all she was to him. That was all she could ever be to him. She would forever be cursed to watch him from far away, blissfully unaware of the pain he had caused her.

So, she disappeared. 

Far away. Cut off all contact with everyone she knew. 

It was harsh, but her friends were his friends as well, and she wouldn’t be able to separate herself from him entirely if she had kept contact. They would get over it. He would get over it.

She would get over him, eventually. 

With her savings, she had decided to travel the world. Maybe meet a fellow along the way, that would make her forget what she was running away from. But it was hard, when everything reminded her of him.

She had only planned for her escapade to last a month, at most. She had to return eventually. She had a life, a job to get back to. And she didn’t think she was that desperately in-love with the man. But as the final week approached, she continued to feel dread as her feelings remained unchanged.

(Y/N) stood at the back door of the cottage she had rented for the last week before her supposed return, listening to the soft sound of the rain. She had always loved the sound, soothing her from her worries. A sad tinge arose her thoughts — reminding her of all the times Remus dragged her to the tower when she was stressed, with hot chocolate waiting for them, because he knew she loved listening to the rain.

She had stood there for about ten minutes, when she heard pounding at the front door. 

The owner had told her that the area was secluded and that she wouldn’t need to worry about any unwanted visitors. Frowning, she grabbed her wand from the side table, just in case, on her way to the door. 

The pounding hadn’t stopped, only growing more frenetic with each step she took. Opening the door, who she saw on the other side made her freeze.

Outside, in the pouring rain, stood a drenched and furious Remus Lupin. If his attempt at pounding a hole into the door wasn’t obvious of his anger, his expression sure was.

“R-Remus? What are you doing here?” 

He scoffed in response. “What am _I _doing here? What are _you_ doing here, (Y/N)!” 

She flinched at his harsh reply, never once seeing him this angry. She backed away from him trying to think of a response, as he stepped closer to her.

Now that he was inside, out of the rain - what she initially thought was rain, were actually tears. 

“How could you?” He seethed, closing in on her. “How could you leave without a single note behind! You disappeared without telling anyone where you were going, what you were doing — if you were even alive!”

“Remus, I-“ He ignored the explanation she tried to give.

“How could you be so _selfish_?! You promised! We made a promise to always be there for each other. You were the one person who never lied to me. And then one day, I find you gone.” 

(Y/N) was now backed up against a wall, with Remus barely an inch away from her. In any other situation, they would have looked like lovers about to snog.

“How could you be so _selfish_?” He repeated, his eyes burning into hers.

Her eyes were ablaze at his accusation, her attempt to explain forgotten. If he wanted to have a spat, he was going to get one. 

“Selfish?” She roared. “I have always put your needs before mine, Remus.”

“Yeah right.”

“No! You don’t get to talk right now.” She heatedly pointed her finger at his chest, accusingly. “Every time you had your monthly change, I couldn’t sleep. I stood by the medical ward waiting in fear of any new scars, and if you would be able to wake up the next day. Every time you had your heart broken from a relationship, I was the one who skipped class or called in sick to work so that you wouldn’t be alone.”

“I never asked you to do any of that!” 

“You’re right, you didn’t! But every time your heart broke, mine did too.” Tears sprang uncontrollably from her eyes, unable to quell them any longer. “I didn’t want to be hung up on my best friend. I wanted to have some one who felt the way I did about them, and appreciated what I did for them. But how could I, when you kept coming back to me, not letting me move on.”

He froze at her confession, his face rid of any previous anger.

“You said I was selfish?” She weakly asked. “If that means being able to move on from you and find someone that I deserve, then yes, I am selfish. And I will continue to be selfish. So please,” She managed through her tears_. “leave_.”


	2. Chapter 2

“W-why,” Remus whispered quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

(Y/N) remained silent, refusing to even look up at him.

“W-when did you start having...feelings...for me?” He asked again.

There was no response, only the sound of the rain falling against the roof. 

He hesitantly reached for her face, lifting her chin to meet her eyes with his. 

But she denied him her gaze. She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t handle the pity waiting for her in his eyes - that he would never feel the same as she did.

She had hoped to at least remain friends, even if she couldn’t stay best friends with him. But this - they wouldn’t be able to mend this. She couldn’t fix this.

And that was what she had been truly afraid of. Losing him completely. 

“(Y/N), please. Answer me and I’ll leave. I promise.” His voice wavered, his thumb softly brushing away the tears from her cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She opened her eyes, blinking away her remaining tears. “I-“ Her voice closed up, as she tried to look anywhere but his eyes. “I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t tell you because I knew it would change our relationship, and I…” Tears sprang back up in her eyes, but she continued. “I thought you would realize my feelings eventually, but you never did. And then I started to think that maybe you knew - you just didn’t feel the same and didn’t want to hurt me.”

She wanted to savor the moment she would last see him. The last time he would touch her. But instead, she pushed away the arms cradling her face, making him step back. 

Remus tried to reach for her again, but (Y/N) stood back against the wall, shaking her head. 

She heaved a big sigh, tired from all the emotions in the air. “Now you know; so please leave.”

He could only watch her as her heart broke, unable to touch her. He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it. 

“You promised.” she whispered.

And hearing her words, he turned to the door, not wanting to cause her anymore pain. 

He paused mid-step hoping she would call him back, change her mind. But the only sound he heard was from the rain outside. So he closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts and emotions. 

As soon as she heard the door close, her knees buckled, making her lean against the wall for support. 

This was for the best. She would be able to get over him. 

Eventually.

Her eyes threatened to tear up again, but the front door opened suddenly with a bang, surprising her.

Remus drenched even more now, wasted no time coming back in, marching right up to her. 

“If you get to be selfish, so do I.”

And before she could respond, he tugged her to him, mashing their lips together.

She gasped into his mouth, eyes wide in shock. She was panicking. She couldn’t think. She could only feel his lips devouring hers. And she didn’t want the feeling to stop.

Realizing he wasn’t slowing down anytime soon, she melted into his arms as he pulled her closer - no space left between them. 

He drank her lips greedily, like a man gone without water for days, as he backed her up against the wall - their bodies flush against each other. His hands roamed down her sides, until reaching her thighs - lifting her up slightly. 

She lifted her legs with his hold, locking them around his waist, her hands clutching to the hairs at the back of his head. 

After a long moment of passion, they broke off for air, chests heaving against each other. It only took a second for them to flush red with embarrassment, realizing the position they were in. But neither made a move to untangle themselves.

“I didn’t think you could love me” He said breathlessly, making her snap her eyes up to his.

“What?” she asked, trying not to concentrate on the feeling of his body against hers.

“I didn’t think you would love a monster like me.”

Her face softened at his words. “Remus, you’re not a monst-“

“But I am, (Y/N).”

“Remus-“

“Every time I saw you waiting outside the ward, I thought maybe, just maybe she loved me too. She didn’t consider me a monster. But you were the perfect girl and I was a monster. You deserved someone who could hold down a steady job, be there for you every full moon, and not put you in danger of being with him.” He paused, resting his forehead against hers. “And so I settled for the next best thing, thinking I could be a little selfish - if it meant having you in my life, still.”

(Y/N) placed her hands on the sides of his face, placing a soft, short kiss on his lips.

“Remus Lupin, you are one of the most important people in my life. But you don’t get to decide who is better for me. I do. And as long as I have you, I don’t need anyone else.” 

She leaned toward his lips, ghosting over them teasingly. “So will you please, let yourself be selfish?”

Remus smirked at her teasing, reminding (Y/N) of why he was named a Marauder. 

“I might need a little bit more convincing.” He whispered into her ear, making her raise a brow at his challenge.

He shot her a challenging look, but she could see the playful twinkle in his eyes. Not willing to back down, she snaked her arms around his neck, before responding.

“Well then, Mr. Lupin. Let me show you just how persuasive I can be.”

___________________

*(A/N): Wow, I wasn’t expecting so many people to want a second part for Selfish. (Thank you to everyone who responded!) It was actually supposed to be only one part with a different ending, but I ended up loving the angst as an ending. Hopefully you liked this second part! I love a happy ending. Let me know what you guys thought!

**Author's Note:**

> *(A/N): What do you guys think? Let me know! It’s so angsty, I love it. Let me know if you want a second part!


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